Gender Bender
by His Darkest Angel
Summary: Envy uses a sinister alchemic mark to drain Winry's energy to create a chimera. However, something goes wrong and Ed and Winry switch bodies. Will they be trapped in each other's bodies forever? VERY FUNNY. Please review!
1. Operation: Disaster

**Welcome to Gender Benders! Yes, I used to be Trapt-Within, but I edited my old story and started over! Please enjoy, read, and review! 3**

* * *

"Fullmetal," Roy Mustang murmured. "You have a call waiting for you," he told the boy emotionlessly.

Ed furrowed his brow in confusion, and hesitantly lifted the phone. "Hello?"

"Ed!" Winry chimed optimistically.

"Winry! What the hell?!" He yelled into the phone confused.

"C'mon Ed, don't be so surprised," she demanded sweetly.

"Fine, what's so urgent that you had to call Central for?"

"Granny Pinako told me it's time to replace your arm, and legs since you haven't broken it," She began. "You'll have an awful hard time if you don't come down here for some leave," She cautioned.

Ed groaned. "Fine….How long do I stay this time?"

"Only three days according to granny,"

"Fine, I'll be over as soon as I can,"

Ed rubbed his temples. "So what did Winry want?" asked Al curiously. Ed held up his arm. "Maintenance," He said. Al could justify the purpose from there.

Ed sat stiffly on the train seat. "Man….. This is the last thing I want to do!"

"Oh come on," Al persuaded. "It'll be nice to see Winry and Granny again…" he blushed.

"You softy…" Ed yawned. "The train ride is long, and I can bet I'm in for it with that damn wrench…." He trailed off and shuddered. _The wrench…_He thought recalling the memories. If he broke his automail, he got a wrench to the head. If he came back to Risembool after a long absence, he got a wrench to the spine. And if he said one wrong word to Winry, it was a wrench to the gut.

Al chuckled and was about to turn to Ed, when he heard a snore. "ED! You're asleep already?!" He shouted at his brother. Not warranting a response, he resigned to his fate of a lonely train ride; he sighed and gazed out the window. The scenery quickly changed from a bustling city, to quiet suburbs, to barren country land. Hours passed, with nothing rolling past the windows but green pastures and cows. It was a welcomed change of surroundings. But he was always going to miss the scent of the freshly cut grass, and humid air. The closer he got, the farther away they seemed to get.

* * *

Winry ran out the door of her small Risembool home, and greeted Ed with a huge hug. His jaw practically came unhinged. "No wrench…?" He thought with glee.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Winry recited as she reached into her pocket.

Ed leapt behind his brother defensively, as he waited for Winry to inevitably hurl her metal torture instrument.

To Ed's complete shock, she lifted a piece of paper and handed it to him. "Here," she offered warmly.

"Wh-what's this?" Ed asked as he unfolded the paper. "100,000 Sens!?!?"

"Ummm…. You still haven't paid Granny and me from the last time we fixed your automail," The mechanic explained cautiously.

"DON'T WE GET SOME KIND OF FRIENDSHIPDISCOUNT?!" he begged in dismay.

"Yes, besides you have plenty of money. You bought me all those gifts last time I visited." Winry replied innocently. Ed looked at the note again. "This can't be right!" He threw the paper at Al. He gaped at Winry for an explanation as he thought, "_I would have preferred the wrench!"_

Winry looked at her feet. "Well, Granny and I have been having somewhat of a hard time keeping a lifestyle here since you haven't been paying for your repairs,"

Ed realized Winry wasn't wearing her normal Black halter top and Cargo pants, she was wearing a short sleeved brown dress down to her knees.

"So that's why you look like a walking potato sack!" Ed exclaimed.

Winry's forehead throbbed as she dug in her pocket once more. Ed yelped, and tried to scramble to Al, but she had already pulverized him with the wrench. "Humph!" she grunted with irritation as Edward lay writhing on the ground. He couldn't even manage to omit a small "Damn you" before she was completely out of earshot.

Winry clutched the sack of money in her hand, smiling, happy tears streaming down her face. Ed had never seen her so grateful before, and wondered how bad she had it.

A short old woman entered the room casually, huffing on her small, wood pipe. "Welcome back boys!" Chimed Pinako.

"We already paid up, so fix my arm and get it over with!" Ed urged. Pinako sighed and nodded. "Alright…." Winry's attitude plummeted. "I'll get started," She confirmed, and retired to her room.

3 DAYS LATER

Ed was pleased with his new arm and leg. He bent it to the side and waved triumphantly. "Back to central, Al!" Winry frowned. "You're always in such a hurry to get out of here," She sounded sad.

"We'll be back," Al assured. "You know brother's going to break his automail sooner or later,"

Winry's eyes locked with Ed's in a fevered death glare. "DON'T YOU DARE GET A SCRATCH ON MY ART!"

After a brief moment of awkward silence, she escorted the boys to their final destination at the train station. Winry's eyes were glued solidly to the ground, as she fumbled with her hands nervously. Ed glanced over at her with concern.

"You ok, Win?" Al asked nervously. "Yeah…." She replied sheepishly. "I pulled another all nighter…" She explained, but Ed was still unconvinced. He'd seen her after all night projects, but she'd never seen her so beaten before.

Winry smiled glumly. "Looks like your train is-" she stopped mid-sentence, and put her hand to her forehead. "Winry?" Ed inquired with a steady hand on her shoulder. She slumped over and collided heavily with Ed's metal arm.

"Eh?" Ed stood dumbfounded at the platform to the train. "Winry?!" He cried repeatedly, his voice accompanied with the panicked pleas of Alphonse. Ed set her down on the ground, propped against Al's leg. "Brother, look!" Al pointed to a small glowing mark on Winry's upper neck. It was a circular lesion with crisscrossing lines and spirals that looked undeniably like a transmutation circle. Ed grit his teeth once the pieces fit together in his mind. Anxiously he outstretched his hand to her neck, tracing the lines, searching for an origin. "Ed……" Al warned nervously. Too late.

A flash erupted and Ed flew backwards a bit. "BROTHER!" Al cried as he knelt to the ground.

Ed sat up wearily and scratched his head. "Al…." He murmured sleepily. Suddenly his eyes widened in fear. Al looked around. "WHAT IS IT BROTHER?!" he reacted in alarm.

"Y-you're holding…… But…. That's me!" he cried in shock. Al froze, confused and disturbed by the words uttered from Ed's mouth.

Winry stirred and spotted Ed. She gasped too. "WHAT THE?!" she shrieked. They pointed at each other in unison and whimpered in distress, "THAT'S ME!" Al froze; dumbfounded. He looked at Winry. "Ed?" He probed with confusion. She answered, "Yes dummy, who else?!"

Al let out a chuckle that grew into hearty laughter. "Y-you two, switched bodies?!"

Ed and Winry let out muffled cries.

Ed's thoughts at that time were:

_Oh my god…I can Winy naked!_

Winry's thoughts at the time:

_HOW THE HELL DO YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM IN THIS THING?!_


	2. In my shoes, and the rest of my clothes

**Ah, the action begins!!! It gets better, I promise. **

* * *

Ed was gaping. "I'M IN WINRY'S BODY?!" he stared dumbfounded at his hands. Winry was motionless, trying not to use Ed's body, as if she would break it.

"The train!" Al cried as their transport back to central sped into the distance. Ed glared at his brother. "I am NOT going back to central like this!" he cried with Winry's voice. Al chuckled again. He began to wonder if he was dreaming. But then he realized that was impossible.

Back at Pinako's, Ed shakily dialed central. "Alright Winry," he began. Just tell the colonel you have more business in Risembool," He commanded. Winry flexed Ed's automail arm and smiled. "I am quite the genius," She commented.

"Hello," The unmistakable voice of Roy Mustang answered the line.

"Ermmm….. This is Edward Elric….. Ummm…..Sir…." Winry stuttered trying desperately to get a grip on the conversation.

"Aren't you supposed to be back now?" Mustang growled.

"Well actually I have some more things to take care of…." She stammered.

Roy sighed. "What kind of business?"

Winry smirked, now to have some fun with Ed. "I want to spend some time with my friends," She proclaimed.

She could hear Roy's concerned snicker. "Fullmetal, you have a fever?"

Winry grit Ed's teeth. "Nope, and I'm not sure when I'll be back…. Sir,"

Roy sighed again. "Fine," He grumbled and hung up.

"What the hell?!" Ed hollered. "The Fullmetal alchemist doesn't waste time with _friends_!!" He shouted with Winry's gentle, high voice.

Winry frowned. "WELL MAYBE HE SHOULD!"

Ed sighed and looked down at himself. He smirked. "Now I'm taller then you…."

Winry Looked up. "Yeah…… Man I didn't know how rough midgets have it…"

_Even in different bodies they're going at it…_Al though with a sigh. _Oh well._

* * *

At the table of the Rockbell house……

"Ed, Winry, you haven't even touched your food!" Pinako observed, stunned to see Ed not pigging out like usual.

Winry's thoughts:

_I have to avoid using the bathroom in this THING for as long as I can._

Ed's thoughts:

_If Winry catches me sneak a peek at her body I swear I'm getting a beating. I get enough of that already. _

Al laughed nervously, and all three of them requested to be excused. Al stopped short, and watched Winry manipulate Ed's body. His hips swung as he moved, and his chest was out. Ed seemed to notice it too.

"WINRY!!!" Ed shouted one they were in the solace of her room. "HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME WALK LIKE THAT?!" Ed sounded exasperated.

"Hm?" She made Ed utter cutely. Al let out another roar of laughter. "This is great!" Al laughed hysterically, making sounds of twisting metal inside his armor.

"Can't handle my walk?" Winry challenged. "Then what about that tacky manner you walk in?!" she accused.

Ed let out a disgusted grunt. "I walk like a man,"

Winry snickered. "Well then I walk like a woman,"

"Now down to the real issue here. How did a transmutation circle end up on you…?" Al inquired after his fit of hysteria.

"DON'T TELL ME YOU GAVE YOUR SOUL FOR MONEY!" Ed accused.

Winry grit "her" teeth. "If you weren't in my body, I'd have got you with my wrench…" She warned as flames seemed to build in the atmosphere of the room.

She took a deep breath and continued. "Granny Pinako and I make automail for a variety I'm sure you know," She began uneasily. "One of our customers is an alchemist just like you. Well…." She trailed off. "That's what we thought," She continued more quietly. "He called himself….. Envy,"

"Did you say his name was Envy?" Ed's tone was serious.

Winry nodded. "He didn't even need automail…." She murmured. He wanted to see how it worked.

Ed thought he was going to collapse. Did Winry reveal his most intimate secret to Envy?!

"I refused to tell him anything unless he needed something," She seemed to answer Ed's internal monologue. Which made Ed think…..

_I hope she wasn't listening to the inner "Winry naked" comments…_

"He smiled and said he'd be back, and left me with a paper I thought had a phone number. When I opened it this weird oil-esque liquid dripped out, and next thing I knew my neck started getting these weird lines. I thought it'd go away, but it didn't, and I didn't want to _bother_you like you told me not to," She finished.

Ed winced at the completion of her story.

Suddenly, Winry's eyes widened with fear. "Winry?!" Ed cried in alarm. "Are you in pain?" He knelt beside her concerned.

"WORSE." Her face was pale. "I… think… I-I…. have to use the bathroom!!"

Edward stood with his mouth open. "OH SHIT!"

"I could wet these pants and get into new ones?" suggested Winry desperately.

_Damn…I would have to get naked to change!!_

"Just don't look down!" Ed commanded.

"Then how the hell do I know what to do?!" Winry screamed.

They began to pace in tiny circles. "Ed, I have to do this," Winry proclaimed as if she was on a mission that involved running through an open field in the midst of gunfire. The two were pale with shock and embarrassment. "Alright….." Winry stated with fierce determination.

"HERE I GO!!" she charged into the bathroom and locked the door. Ed felt Winry's body go limp. "Al….." He moaned. "This is so humiliating,"

Winry stumbled out the Bathroom door 10 minutes later, gasping and panting. She fell to the floor and shivered.

"NEVER MAKE ME GO BACK IN THERE!" she plead.

"How bad was it…?" Al asked cautiously.

"Ed…." She began.

"Yes….?"

"Peeing in your body is harder than making automail,"

Ed slumped.

"Oh and… I'm sorry for calling you small all these years." Winry choked.

_Oh please don't tell me she saw__that._

Winry walked over to Ed weakly. "So how do we get rid of this damn curse…?"

"Curse? Who said it's a curse! It's bad karma I tell you!" Ed wailed.

"Hey! I help the handicapped and provide for the less fortunate!" Winry noted. "I have anything BUT bad karma!"

"You also mooch off your friends for money!" Ed argued.

"Well excuse me for helping you then!" She flashed his own hand at him.

"I hate to interrupt…." Al butted in carefully. "Maybe we should all get some rest, and we'll figure this out later…."

"Fine…." Ed and Winry mumbled together.

"Hey Ed…." Winry continued. "You do need to take a bath in my body you know,"

Ed's jaw dropped. (Actually Winry's jaw) Naked thoughts crammed his head at once, but he dusted them aside.

"What…?" He sputtered.

"My hair gets oily if it's unwashed, and I'll get acne!" She complained.

"How do you suggest I go about a bath without seeing you naked?!" He screamed.

"Don't you want to see me naked?"

A silence filled the room.

**Ed is in a pickle now, isn't he?**


	3. The troubles of nudeness

Ed had a difficult time choosing his words carefully. Winry would react one of two ways.

_Option one:__Tell Winry yes and be slapped for being perverted. Not to mention the immature commentary from Al who would tease him forever._

_Option two:__Be the bad liar and overreact by shouting no so loudly it's obvious he was lying._

Not only that, but Ed himself had to think about the question for a second to get an answer for himself.

"Why would I?" He gasped finally ended the silence. Winry sighed.

"You just don't get it do you?"

Ed was pleased. He escaped that situation nicely. "Tell you what…." Winry began. You can stand under some water in my clothes. Could that suffice?" she began the compromise.

Ed sighed with relief. "Alright Winry," He said. "Later… I'm tired,"

"Me too," Winry agreed.

Ed walked into his room. _I wish I didn't come…._ He thought angrily, and more importantly… Ed had to know what the hell Envy wanted. He knew he'd eventually have to fight Envy to undo the curse… or whatever this nightmare was. But he knew it would be hard fighting in Winry's body.

He flexed Winry's right hand. He knew one day he would be able to the same with his own arm.

Winry lay awake, shifting in discomfort under the sheets. Her automail was art, but hard to get comfortable in. She felt the cold steel with her hand and shivered a little. It was so strange not being able to feel on one side.

She was tossing restlessly, attempting feebly for the steel not to bite into the skin. Tears began to well down her face. Not for her own sake, for Ed, who had to endure so much, even if her automail WAS art.

The next morning, Ed woke up to the smell of sizzling bacon. "Mmmmm... Bacon..." He chanted. The fragrance tempted him. He hadn't eaten last night, but at the same time, he was afraid that he'd have to endure the perils of a visit to the bathroom. This madness had to stop.

For Winry.

For himself.

And for rights to eat bacon!!

Ed cautiously nibbled his bacon, resisting the urge to wolf it down. He would eat onlyuntil his famished state of hunger had subsided.

Winry was also picking at the bacon, almost not daring enough to let it touch Ed's lips. Pinako eyed them both accusingly. "Is this some kind of new teen diet??" She interrogated.

Ed didn't even look up; he was transfixed on allowing only small portions of the bacon passage to Winry's mouth.

Al waved his hands in the air defensively. "What are you talking about..?" He stuttered nervously.

"Ermmm…. Ahhh….."

"Yes, Alphonse?" Pinako urged.

"WINRY'S PREGNANT!"

Ed and Winry both spit their breakfast out at the same time.

"WHAT?!?!" they hollered at Al in unison.

Pinako dropped her wooden pipe to the ground. "WAS IT YOU?!" she screamed at Ed.

Winry winced….. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE DIDN'T DO A DAMN THING!!"

Pinako glanced with confusion at Al who was banging his helmet against the wall, muttering to himself, "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Pinako didn't shift her gaze from Al. "Sorry Pinako…. They're not, I'm serious… I just needed an excuse and… I really don't know what's going on!" Al jumped in his own defense.

Winry and Ed abruptly sat up, slamming their rickety wooden seats into the table. "Where do you think you're going?" Pinako asked. "TO MY ROOM!" they both shouted. Ed passed but Pinako grabbed Winry as she walked by in Ed's body.

"IF YOU EVER KNOCK UP MY GRANDDAUGHTER I SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER SEE LIGHT AGAIN!" she warned him in a threatening whisper. Winry shivered. Even at granny's old age, she was sure with a motive that she could pound Ed pretty bad.

Ed was already hounding Alphonse when Winry made it up the stairs. "WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE WAS THAT?! YOU MADE THE DAMN SITUATION WORSE!!" Al was huddled feebly in the corner as Ed chewed him out.

"That was a nightmare….." Winry grabbed Ed's forehead with his hand. "Please God…." She began.

Ed looked at her in dismay. "You're praying now?"

"Please send a bolt of lightning to strike me down!" She plead. Ed toppled over. "That won't solve anything!" He huffed in frustration.

They both sighed. "After this I think I'm gonna hate you, Ed…"

"You too…" Ed replied.

Al stood up warily and bowed frantically. "I'm really sorry you guys! _Really sorry!_"

"No more trying to protect us, Alphonse…" Ed muttered.

"Hey guys…" Al began.

"Yes?" Winry answered gently.

"Why didn't I get switched? I mean… I was right there,"

"Probably because your soul is _locked_in that suit, Al," Ed laughed.

"Oh yeah….." Al thought.

"HOW COULD YOU FORGET THAT?!" Winry yelped helplessly.

"It would have been nice to be in the flesh again…" Al trailed off.

"Don't worry Al," Ed encouraged. "We're all going to end up ok!"

"Hey Ed….."

"Hm?"

"Winry's cute little smile suits you!" Ed shot a menacing glare at Al. He started to turn beet red.

"You really think my smile is cute, Al?" Winry chirped.

Al nodded ferociously.


	4. Envy's Plot

**SERIOUS CHAPTER!**

_Meanwhile……_

Envy sat cross legged in the smoky factory. He sighed, and brushed some ash off his shoulder.

Lust entered the dark premises, accompanied by a short, stout companion; Gluttony.

"I hear your plans with the girl didn't go as expected…" Lust smirked as she hoisted herself on a rusted, metal machine.

Envy shook his head, "It's true…" He brushed a lock of hair into place. "The seal I used on that wench was meant only to drain the energy from her. Her life force would have undoubtedly made an excellent chimera,"

"And…?" Lust urged.

"The pipsqueak interfered," Envy pouted.

"What a shame…." Lust chuckled. "So what is our next course of action?"

"Well I guess I should just finish both of them off…" He smiled.

"Can I eat the girl?" Gluttony begged.

Envy revealed his infamous cold smirk, "If there's anything left when I finish with her…"

Gluttony's tongue hung out with anticipation.

Lust let out a twisted laugh. "So you intended to use her from the start?"

"Why not?" Envy smiled. "We can still use her to create a chimera,"

Lust tossed her hair behind her shoulder, "Even though the souls have been switched?"

Envy nodded. He'd already thought it through. "That on the contrary in the easiest part. I doubt Elric will hold up for long in the girl's body, so all I have to do is slow them down. Then I will have the perfect opportunity to switch them back,"

Lust gazed in consideration at the densely clouded vicinity. "It's a good plan, and you make it sound so simple," She agreed.

She paused and gazed at Envy, smiling at himself. Lust unveiled a grin of her own.

"You do savor his pain…." She noted half-heartedly.

Envy laughed and waved his hand dismissively. "Of course!"

"Gluttony… Wipe your mouth," Lust requested irritated, as the homunculus snacked on the fallen security guards.

Envy bounded in a single leap, and perched by Lust.

"You take the girl when I finish,"

Lust sighed and nodded.

"It's about time we had some fun,"

* * *

Ed sat nervously on the porch, wearing the same clothes since he'd been stuck in Winry's body.

"Come on Ed!" Winry coaxed.

Al laughed again. "Ed, you make such a great Winry!"

She handed Ed a bar of soap and nudged him under a nozzle, the dreaded shower nozzle.

He glared at Winry and closed his eyes.

_I hate this... I just want to go back to head quarters... I know! Maybe I should try to learn how to repair my own automail!! Then not only would I never have to come back here again, but... wait..._

His thoughts trailed off upon realizing he was unwilling to learn the damn study, and he couldn't repair automail with one arm.

Winry clapped her hands. "Use the soap!"

The drenched Ed simply looked at her dumbly.

Winry sighed. "My hair, Ed!"

He shrugged, and weaved the soap through Winry's hair awkwardly.

She handed Ed a towel, and some clothes.

"I told you I am NOT undressing,"

"Oh, it's no big deal!" Winry argued.

"Have you no self respect?" Ed challenged.

"More then you Edward!" She shoved the clothes into his arms. "If it bothers you so much, close your damn eyes!"

She trudged off, and slammed the door as she stepped back into the house.

* * *

Pinako thrust a plate of steaming vegetables at Ed when he came through the door. Winry was smiling, pleased with herself that Ed had cooperated with her.

Ed grumbled, a red tint still in his face, and sat down heavily at the table. Every bite he took, he mumbled angrily under his breath.

Pinako glared suspiciously at Ed.

"Since when did you eat steamed vegetables?"

Winry gulped. _Uh oh… what do I say?_

"On my journeys…. Ermmm... I was always uh….. Hungry….. So I learned to eat just about anything…" She smiled, trying to sound persuasive.

Pinako handed her a bottle of milk. "Even this?"

Ed looked up, glaring at Winry, flailing his hands wildly.

He squinted hard, trying to send Winry the message….. _IF YOU LET ONE DROP OF THAT SHIT IN MY BODY, I SWEAR YOU'LL PAY._

Winry seemed to get the message and shot Ed a look of understanding. Ed sighed and brushed a drop of sweat off his head.

However, Winry grabbed the bottle. Ed almost chocked on a seared carrot as she took a huge swig of the milk.

Pinako gazed in awe. "Never thought I'd see the day…" She nodded, clearly impressed.

Ed's face grew pale. _Winry you traitor!_

"What's wrong Ed I mean Winry?" Winry chuckled.

Ed spit his meal onto the table. His jaw hung low, his face paling. "HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME DRINK THAT DISGUSTING CRAP!!!!" He blared.

Pinako looked at her granddaughter with confusion. "You don't have to drink it Winry…."

"Disgusting, completely disgusting!" Ed proclaimed with rage evident in his tone.

He slammed his chair into the table and dragged Winry up to her room.

Winry laughed teasingly the whole way until Ed thrust a towel into her mouth.

"ED!" She choked, removing the gag.

He pointed at the towel. "Clean my mouth out. NOW!" He demanded.

Winry shrugged. "It's not like you were in here to taste it," She sighed.

Ed stomped his foot. "STOP PUTTING ME THROUGH HELL, WINRY!" he shouted. "I played your game, so stop treating me like a toy!" He hollered.

She glowered at him. He scowled back firmly.

"Fine…" Winry sighed.

"You like messing with me," Ed realized.

"You're so dense," Winry smirked.

He let out a faint grin. "Hey Winry…"

She looked up curiously. "You look oddly serious,"

"I don't mean to scare you Winry," He began. "But if we want our bodies back we're going to have to fight for them."

Al nodded. "I'll help," He tried to comfort her.

Ed looked at her thoughtfully. "And to fight, you'll need to know how to use my body,"

"You mean learn alchemy?" She realized, worried.

Ed nodded. "Using alchemy in your body will use too much energy, since you're not used to the intensity," Ed calculated.

Winry gulped. "Fine… Anything to get us out of this mess,"

"Alright, Winry," Ed said taking her hands. "Let's get started,"


	5. Envy vs Wrench

Winry and Ed had stayed up late, trying to get her to understand the principles of alchemy.

She grasped the concept gradually.

"Now, let's try thins again….." Ed yawned. "Put your hands together," He instructed.

Winry clapped her hands obediently, a look of scorching determination on her face.

She glued her eyes shut, trying to focus her energy to the palms of her hands. She laid them on the ground, and daringly opened her eyes.

"Damn it…" Ed murmured, gazing at the spot Winry's hands touched.

"I'm hopeless…" She sighed.

"There's no way she can learn the circles in time either," Al noted. "It took us years to understand them all,"

Ed furrowed his brow.

_What do we do? How can we get back to our own bodies?! At this rate, I'll be a girl forever! _

"Ugh..." Ed groaned as he slapped his hand over his forehead.

Winry grabbed Ed's shoulders. "Come on, I'm tired. I want to go to sleep,"

"NO." Ed replied firmly. "You can't even transmute a freaking piece of lint, you can't rest yet,"

"No, but if I don't get my beauty sleep I'll wake up with bags under my eyes!" Winry griped as she pet her faithful dog, Den.

"Stupid, you're in my body, remember?!" Ed reminded her as he slouched in a small corner.

"I guess it's up to me to protect you both..." Al sighed.

"NO YOU WON'T" Ed and Winry replied in unison. "I'm never really significant, am I?" Al complained as he proceeded to exit the room.

Ed ran after him as Al walked down the hall. Pinako watched them curiously as they quarreled down the narrow passage. She stepped into Winry's room, peering at Ed.

(_Actually Winry, don't get confused now_.)

Ed came back with Alphonse's fist securely locked in his arms. "C'mon Al, we need your help,"

Winry rose warily, and raised her wrench threateningly at Pinako. Ed gaped.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!"

"Call it woman's intuition..." Winry chirped.

"DON'T SAY THAT IN _MY___BODY!!!" Ed screamed.

Pinako shrugged, and in a flash of white light, Envy was standing in front of them.

"ED, SAVE ME!" Winry squealed feebly, as she scampered behind "Ed."

"Heh." Envy said mockingly. "Not so strong anymore, huh pipsqueak? Relying on a girl for protection."

"Don't play games with me Envy, you did this, now tell us how to go back to our own bodies. Then I'll show you a real fight!" Ed exclaimed raising one of his frail, female arms. Al joined his brother in a battle stance. (_CAMERAS_!!)

"Don't worry, little pipsqueak. I'll let both of you die in your own bodies." Envy smiled.

"What did you do with granny?!" Winry stepped forth fearlessly.

"So anxious about that half dead old bat at a time like this?" Envy sighed.

Winry glared, seething hatred boiling under her skin. "KYAAAAHHH!" she hollered shrilly, proceeding to hurdle the wrench at Envy.

"WRENCH POWEEER!!" she screamed releasing the weapon.

It bounced easily off Envy, who stood un-affected.

"KYAAAHHHH! RETREAT!" she shouted shrilly, scampering behind Ed once more.

"That will be one feisty chimera..." Envy snickered; lunging forward towards the cowering Winry and falsely bold Ed. Al stepped in front, shielding them temporarily.

Envy thrust Al aside, as if he was nothing, dead set on getting to Winry. (_The Winry inside Ed's body- so technically he was lunging for Ed_.)

Ed looked down apologetically at Winry's body he was trapped in. "Sorry," He mumbled, as he changed Winry's wrench into a bulky sword.

Ed's prediction was right. Already from such a small amount of alchemy Winry's body felt heavy with exhaustion. Ed flung the sword at Envy, knocking him aside.

"What did you say about a chimera?!" Ed inquired angrily.

Envy shrugged, hoisting himself to his feet. "That girl has the energy we need to make quite a fantastic chimera. If you step aside, you may even be able to see it,"

Winry stumbled over to Envy as alchemic sparks flew from her hands. The ground rumbled violently as an iron spike flew from the ground. Winry gaped in awe, staring at Ed's hands. "Did I just do that?" She wondered aloud.

"Great!" Al cheered and ran at Envy. Envy hopped backwards, nearly grazing Al's fist.

"So the wench knows alchemy, eh?" The homunculus sniveled. "This will be fun now, won't it?"

Winry shuddered and stumbled backwards. _What have I gotten myself into?_She trembled with fear. _I HAVE TOO MUCH POTENTIAL TO DIE!_She shielded her face with her hands. _What do I do?!_


	6. Memories of Death

**another serious chapter....**

Winry closed her eyes as refuge from the horrible image of her death. She thought death might be painful, but to her surprise, all she felt was warmth. She pictured herself as an angelic apparition, or a ray of sunlight travelling up toward the heavens.

She semiconsciously made herself aware of her surroundings. To her fleeting shock, the setting was in her own home, observing a younger self cheerily scribbling on a blank paper.

Edward came into the scene, letting himself in, the sunlight drenching his and Alphonse's skin. "Winry! We want to show you something really cool!" Ed chimed as he proceeded to take a piece of chalk out of his pocket, and began to apply it to the hard wood floor.

Winry peered over Ed's busy figure. "That's a nice drawing!" she beamed, thrusting her own colorful line drawing at him. He brushed it aside with his hand and laughed. "This isn't the art Win…." He explained to her with excitement.

Al placed a small gray bundle beside his brother. "Ready?" He asked.

"Ready." Ed replied. Al dumped the contents of the bundle into the middle of a large circle.

Present Winry, observing the familiar scene, thought with an inquiring mind, _why am I remembering this now? I must be dead._

Ed and Al thrust their hands onto the neatly drawn circle. A flood of blue light emitted from the ashen material on the floor, spawning a small swaying mound of ashes, its size increasing exponentially. The younger Winry screamed in utter fear.

Winry observed the scene with familiar sympathy for her young self. She recalled the overwhelming emotions in her young body vividly from that very moment. One thought stood clearly in her mind, even to her present self. _Will Ed be ok? Ed's in there, is he alright?_

_Is Ed ok?_

That's when Winry knew, she couldn't let herself die. She couldn't give up yet. Even if she couldn't do much, she still wanted to protect Edward. The reason still unclear, she began to claw her way back, back to what could mean one last glimpse at her childhood companions.

She was unpleased to find herself in another distant memory she could recall with ease. She viewed a slightly older self in front of the blazing fire in the mantle. She could hear the distant patter of the rain. _It's so peaceful…_ She thought to herself. The Younger Winry heard a recurring metal pounding on the wooden door. Pinako, her grandmother slowly ambled her way across the room. "Who could that be at this hour?" Pinako wondered aloud. The old woman opened the door, only to find a man in armor at the doorstep, holding a limp bleeding figure.

Pinako's pipe dropped to the ground.

"Please help… before he bleeds to death!" A small familiar voice plead from the armor.

Winry's whole existence was in shock. She diverted her attention from the glistening armor, to the small boy in his arms. She couldn't move. Her mind, her body, even her heart stopped if only for an instant. An instant she felt could kill her. That brief moment that felt like she would be frozen there forever.

She groggily opened her eyes, and found herself to be in unfamiliar surroundings. _I…I'm alive!_

A gentle thudding footstep ended near her limp body. Her lip quivered. _Not for long…_

Winry felt, or actually didn't feel, now an all consuming numbness. Every part of her existence lacked sufficient feeling. The gripping cold and emptiness left her hallow and at the same time nauseously afraid to feel anything anymore.

She couldn't tell who she was anymore; if her soul inhabited her own body, Ed's, or…. something new. She grasped for control over her arms, her eyes, something that could help her distinguish an identity for her.

The gentle thud of footsteps echoed off the bare walls. Winry could at least hear and see.

She watched as Envy knelt before her, accompanied by another creature. He smirked at Winry, and turned an oblivious eye to her intently gathering the scene before her.

"Are you quite finished with her Envy?" A smoky voice inquired.

Envy chuckled. "You know I'm not Lust…."

_Lust…_ Winry repeated in her mind.

"The boy then?" Lust interrogated.

Envy peered into Winry's empty eyes, as if directing the answer to her instead.

"Pipsqueak's fine girl, and even better, you can die in your own bodies now," Envy mocked.

Winry felt shelled out. Her core violated. A quaking feel of anguish racked the last pieces of her that she could feel.

Envy gazed at her nodding with impression. "Even In a state of exhaustion she's managing to show some of her own will,"

Winry became aware of the small tears rolling down her eyes.

"Poor girl, would you prefer this?" Envy transformed himself into Ed. He plastered a sympathetic look on Ed's face, reaching out to gently caress Winry's cheek.

Winry gave a helpless throaty moan of despair. Envy's teasing pleasure became distressed anxiousness.

"She's stealing back her will…." He commented angrily in Ed's voice.

Suddenly, an angrier voice came from behind. It was Ed's voice as well. Winry's fear became a mixture of relief, and distrust. She felt her mind; even her identity was betraying her.

"Leave her alone you sick bastard!" The voice choked. It sounded strained by something Winry had never been able to place in Ed's voice before.

Ed's tormented demand became the pounding of his footsteps coming closer and closer.

"Ed," She choked out gratefully. To her dismay, her voice was unfamiliar. She was gripped by inconceivable panic.

_My voice! I…I can't hear MY voice! I can't see…_

She strained her eyes, pressuring her very blood to pulse with resentment to the movement. Her mind froze. She realized why Ed couldn't look at her, why Envy was happy, why she couldn't move.

_No…. this can't be happening to me!_


	7. Rescue

**Serious-ish**

EARLIER….

Ed lay still, thoughtless, unaware of his own general existence.

His state of meditation and unawareness was disturbed by a faint buzzing. It vibrated annoyingly in his ear, provoking his lifeless sleep.

Unconsciously he lifted his hand to swat the trespasser away, and leave him in his drowsy, exhausted state.

The impact jolted him awake. It wasn't a small anticipated huge, but a large metallic thud. The buzzing formed into words.

"Brother!" the echoed voice repeated over and over.

Edward's vision returned to see Alphonse. His brother sighed with relief upon Ed's return to reality.

He realized with a familiar dull clinking, that his automail arm and leg were back in place. He sighed with relief, but it was short lived.

Al shook him urgently. "Envy! Do you remember brother?! He took Winy, come on!"

Ed's eyes shone with realization. "How long was I out?" Ed asked with effort to wake his tired body up.

"Only about 10 minutes," Al replied.

Ed stood, familiarizing himself with his mechanical limbs. "Then they couldn't have gotten far," He announced. Al trotted to his brother's side anxiously.

"How will we find them?"

Ed grunted. He hadn't thought of that. He was chasing a homunculus that could be anywhere, and he had a hostage.

Al interrupted his thought. "You're the prodigy…"

Ed held his hand up to silence Al, to achieve a more quiet state of thought.

Al saw the streaking beads of sweat trailing his brother's soft cheeks. His eyebrows folded into a determined series of lines across forehead. His eyes were closed, and his hand covered his grit teeth. Al watched admirably as Ed's face twisted into the familiar form of realization.

Al waited eagerly for his conclusion.

"I got nothing." Ed finally announced to Al's shock. "YOU WASTED ALL THAT TIME FOR THAT?!"

Ed scratched his head. "THAT'S ALL I GOT, OK?!"

Fortunately, Envy was not one to leave Edward out of his twisted mind games. A message became clear on the door behind them.

Inscribed on the wooden frame, finely etched was the message,

_Brat,_

_Y live for?_

Ed grimaced. Envy wants to hold us off, so we'll make it at the end of his little plight.

"What does it mean?" Al asked anxiously.

"I'm not sure yet…. But I'm sure it's some kind of anagram." Ed noted.

He lifted a twig and copied the message onto the dry earth. He scribbled several failed words. "What are you doing brother?'

"An anagram is a scrambled word or phrase…."Ed explained. "I know that!" Al exclaimed. He copied his brother, scratching the letters into the dust.

_Rotary fab live? No….._Al tired, but soon became stuck. He listened to the steady flow of scratches from his brother's side. It suddenly stopped. Al looked to him hopefully.

Reading over his shoulder, he saw, _brat why live for….. Laboratory five_

"Brother! That has to be it! Envy's at laboratory five! Brilliant deduction!" Al congratulated.

Ed stood up, with clenched fists. "Come on Al….. We're going back to lab five…."

* * *

_Upon reaching the destination…………….._

The dark lab was still in ruins after it was demolished so much earlier in their ventures. Ed kept a wary eye or signs of any life, unusual glowing…… a sign. A sign was what he needed desperately.

He wandered a collapsed hallway. A wall rose just above Al's head, casting a dark shadow to shroud them from view of a potential enemy.

Finally, they spotted smoke. Ed held his cloak to his mouth, shielding himself from giving his position away by coughing. He also knew the smoke could be hazardous. He broke into a leaping bound for the room.

When the brothers entered, three things stood out.

Winry's lifeless body sprawled carelessly to the side. She was covered in scratches and dirt.

Envy was in the form of Ed, crouching beside Lust. He was looming over something, speaking to it.

When he moved aside, his heart fell. A chimera lay at Envy's feet. A silver, distorted figure of a large cat with large, round, red eyes brimmed with tears. "Leave her alone you sick bastard!" Ed exclaimed with remorse, regret, and dismay.

Winry had been reverted into a chimera. She had nothing to do with the feud between Envy and himself.

Envy couldn't have done it himself….. And Ed swore that moment behind a storm of seething hatred under his skin…. That he would kill whoever it was helping the homunculus.

"Ed…" a distorted, unfamiliar voice called out to him.

His emotions got the best of him when the chimera realized what it was.

Ed held a gloved hand to his face to old back his tears. "I'll kill you here and now Envy….. I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"

Ed's whole body felt like it was steaming. The burning distress tortured his fragmented soul. Before he could distribute the opening blow to Envy however, a small explosion erupted.

Dust shrouded the area, a suspenseful hanging moment of disarray hung around the musty warehouse. A familiar voice rung through the chamber, as the residue from the blast subsided.

"Stand aside Edward, and I will defeat this monster!"


	8. The Panthress of Risembool The end

**Best. Chapter. Ever.**

Ed swore the fire inside him had just gone out cold. He was in a state of being unsure if he was dreaming, insane, or dead. Seeing this for real was out of the question. Impossible, inconceivable!

A small figure, not even taller than Ed himself emerged. "You let go of my granddaughter….." The voice hissed.

Ed heard a large clanking, thud. He was sure his brother had just stumbled in shock.

"PINAKO?!" Ed managed between breaths that made him regret living at all.

"That's right kiddo! THE PANTHRESS OF RISEMBOOL!" Pinako valiantly shouted forth.

Ed felt his eyes burning….. Or something. He was sure that this was some sick, twisted play on physics.

_No type of complex science can explain this…._ He thought to himself, woozy from the sudden jolt of what he was seeing.

The old woman stood in a gaudy red spaghetti strap top, and blue jean shorts. (Of course they were unfamiliar with the term "jeans" so blue denim then.) Her hair was out of the usual oval resting atop her head. Instead, it hung loosely around her back, almost completely covering her tiny frame. (The mystery unfolds!!)

Ed heard his brother moaning in distress upon again facing the terror of the wanna-be "teenage superhero" grandma. Ed was sure, like himself, that despite all the unnerved metal on their bodies that they still refused to move.

Ed then heard a sharp, high pitched ring. Pinako brandished a belt from underneath a black trench coat…. A gleaming belt of various mechanical tools.

Ed stomped his foot with the greatest of effort not to die of overexposure to this "plague" like state of Pinako. "ARE YOU JOKING?!"

"Auntie, listen to me! Ed and I have tried to defeat them for years, they're tricky! Even with the whole military and advanced alchemy…. They're invincible! YOU'LL BE KILLED!"

Pinako lifted a silver, pointed tool…. Or "weapon". A screwdriver.

Al whimpered while repeating in his head multiple times…._We're doomed, we're doomed. We are SO doomed._

She flung her arm back and then with an elegant, swift, forward motion, the screwdriver flew. It struck Envy almost squarely on the forehead. He snickered and nodded. "Bring it on, OOMPA LOOMPA,"

She hollered shrilly, her voice breaking in and out from the overuse of her aged vocal cords. Likely due to her height and light weight, she was able to scamper to him quickly, and sweep a stubby leg against envy's slender figure.

The homunculus toppled over, as Ed's jaw hung open, vulnerable to be torn off by a swaying breeze. His eyes were unwaveringly transfixed on the combat in practice before him.

Strangely, this event triggered Ed to question his whole purpose in life. _Why do I want to get my body back? Huh…why do I even WANT to live now knowing this exists…?_

Such an unwavering and strong you boy, questioning the will to live after seeing such explicit content makes one question their sanity, does it not? (Laughs)

Once Edward had snapped back into reality, Envy and Lust had fled….. Likely they had realized that they've chose then wrong dysfunctional village to invade this time.

HOW?! HOW, WHY, WHEN…?! Ed was basically in such a current state of confusion, it could be qualified as a shock induced coma.

He felt dizzy, very dizzy. His vision became blurry. _Am I fainting…? DAMMIT WHY AM I FAINTING?! And why__now__AFTER the battle is over?_

* * *

"That buzzing…. I can hear it again…." Ed thought when he was safely in the haven inside his own structure. He grimaced with annoyance. He wanted to swat it away, but was scared to be revived into a reality where grandmas wore jump suits. He decided whatever reality had in store for him it had to be more endurable this time. He boldly, let his eyelids flutter open.

A radiating light stung Edward's sore eyes. Flashing dots swam within his obscured vision.

"Edward!" relieved voices greeted him. Ed grunted in an exhausted response.

He heaved his heavy body out of his sleeping position, straightening his fatigued spine. His entire body felt as if it was being weighed down by a large anchor.

His darted eyes gathered with fierce relief, that Winry was back to herself, and Pinako was as well. He was clothed in a familiar white shirt, and dull shorts, bandaged here and there. He was in the hospital. Again.

He rubbed his head, which carried its own bandage. "Winry…?" He murmured.

"Oh, Ed!" Her voice responded full of relief. "Thank goodness!" Chimed in Al and Pinako, greeting him with sighs and pats on his undamaged hand.

"Hey…. What happened?" questioned the young alchemist.

"You don't remember anything?" Pinako questioned him.

Ed responded in a simple shake of his head, doing his best not to strain any injuries.

"You fought so bravely Ed!" cried Winry in a grateful tone.

"Yeah brother!" added Alphonse.

"Eh…?" Ed's whole mind was tripping over itself in confusion. "Me?" he confirmed, succumbing to a painful flashback of what HE had seen.

"Yes," Continued Winry. "You managed to give those monsters a descent beating, and you got me back into my body! You were so brave…" Admired Winry, clearly more grateful then anyone had expected.

"I don't remember any of it….." pouted Ed.

"Wait a second….." He jerked upright. He felt an absurd surge of pain in his ribcage. "You were! You were…" He exclaimed pointing an accusing finger at Pinako.

"Was what, Ed?" Pinako asked him casually.

"YOU WERE IN A BELLYTOP, AND YOU BEAT ENVY WITH A SCREWDRIVER!" Ed screamed as every wound in his body reopened. "OW, DAMMIT!" he screeched.

Pinako laid a wide slap across Ed's face, as it contorted into twisted expressions of physical anguish. "**Don't fantasize about a woman whose old enough to be your grandmother!!"**Threatened the tiny woman.

"YOU DREAMT ABOUT GRANNY?!" exclaimed Winry in utter and disgusted shock.

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" objected Ed, rubbing the sore on his cheek.

Al's eyes narrowed, teasingly at his brother.

"So you mean to tell me I missed my own heroic victory?!" Ed cried.

The other three nodded in unison.

"DAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNN!!!" Ed's anguished cry reverberated across the white tile halls. "You are so lucky I'm injured!" He threatened.

"Al, we're leaving tomorrow!" Ed added less haughtily.

"But brother…"

"No buts Al! We wasted too much time here!"

"But you're not fully recovered!"

"Shut up! I'll deal with it!"

And with that, Ed was silenced with the flinging of a hard metal wrench. Winry gave a devious little smirk. "That should knock him out long enough to recover,"


End file.
